so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Even the bartender felt bad for me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
