Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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