I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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