Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
