I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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