even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
