he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
