me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
