tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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