Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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