I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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