my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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