How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
