well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
