Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
