I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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