4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
