Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Damn victory sex feels great
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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