Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
