What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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