i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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