They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
