Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
