I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
