I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
