when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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