It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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