Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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