youre lurking in front of me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
