Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
