this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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