I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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