So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
bring money and cleavage
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
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I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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