how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
