New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
