Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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