his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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