I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
