I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
