Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
