gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she smelled like a LAN party
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
