No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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