we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
