Got a toothbrush?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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