After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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