Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
