i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
