Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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