Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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