I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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