Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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