If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
