# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
