my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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