I intend to get homeless drunk
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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