you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
