Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
