why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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