I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
