everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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