Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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