last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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