I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
