My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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