I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
