Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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