We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
