Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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