By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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