Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
