so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
