i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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