Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
