My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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