just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
