This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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