Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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