Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
