Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
