Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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