i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
