I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
