Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
